Memories of a Lost Love
by cheri1
Summary: Eleventh Doctor. While Amy and Rory are kidding around, the Doctor lets his thoughts drift back to thoughts of Rose.


It was a slow day on the TARDIS. The eleventh Doctor relaxed beside his console. He slouched in his chair, his eyes closed as he listened to the sound of the rotor while he meditated. One eye opened when he suddenly heard the TARDIS grunting out laughter. Opening both eyes, he glanced up at the ceiling.

"What's so funny?" he asked her.

The TARDIS grunted and the Doctor suddenly heard Amy's voice being piped in from above. He frowned when he heard Amy singing an off-key rendition of Fleetwood Mac's Rhiannon. Occasionally, he heard Rory snickering in the background. He winced when Amy tried to hit a high note and her voice cracked.

"You are many things, Pond, but a professional singer is not one of them," the Doctor muttered.

"Oh yeah…"

The Doctor raised his eyebrow when he heard Rory say that in a sort of moan and he suddenly wondered what his two companions were doing. Ever since he let the married couple travel with him, he'd watched while the two of them either romped around his ship like two teenagers or made sexually suggestive comments and lusted after each other as if they were in perpetual heat. There had been several times the Doctor considered grabbing a garden hose and turning it on both of them but he always stopped short of doing that since he figured he'd have to deal with an angry, wet Pond for the rest of the day. But from the way Rory was moaning and groaning in the background, he was guessing this singsong was affecting Rory's ding dong.

While he listened to them, his hearts began to ache as his memories drifted away towards thoughts of Rose. What he and Rose shared was different from what Amy and Rory had. It was true they had a relationship, but he and Rose had never gotten the urge to dress in costumes and play sexual hide and seek or whatever it was his companions were doing the day he found them going in and out of the TARDIS rooms dressed in their policewoman and centurion costumes. Honestly, what was with them and those outfits? Sometimes, he had half a mind to go back to ancient Rome, get Amy a job as a vestal virgin somewhere and let Centurion Rory have a go at her.

The Doctor shook his head, clearing thoughts of Centurion Rory pouncing on Vestal Pond and shagging her senseless in a temple somewhere and he sighed as he pictured Rose in his mind. A slight smile was on his face while he closed his eyes and held her in his mind's eye. He frowned when Amy's singing intruded and he asked the TARDIS to stop projecting their sex play into his console room. The TARDIS complied and the Doctor went back to daydreaming about Rose. His lovely Rose, who he loved to hold and cuddle with for hours or kiss and caress when he or she or the both of them were lonely and needed some physical contact. There had been some intercourse in their relationship but nothing wild and certainly nothing involving costumes and romping around like two twitterpatted teenagers. Honestly, he was going to burn that centurion outfit if he saw Rory in it one more time…

The Doctor shook his head again when Centurion Rory once again intruded in his thoughts and focused his attention back on Rose. He wondered why he was doing this since it only brought him pain and made his hearts ache. But Rose would always hold a special place in his hearts no matter how old he got or how many bodies he had. He wondered briefly how she would react to this new body. Would she still love him? He hoped so but he remembered how panicked she'd been after the Dalek shot him and how she begged him not to change. But then again…she had adjusted after he regenerated in front of her and he figured if she could adjust to his tenth body, she could accept this body as well.

He frowned. Why was he even thinking this? She was gone forever and thinking that made his hearts hurt even more. He sighed as his eyes flew open and he shook his head.

"You have got to stop this," he said aloud. "You can't go on pining for her for the rest of your lives. She's gone and that's all there is to it. You're never gonna see her again, so stop thinking about her, Idiot!"

"Who's gone?"

The Doctor jerked his head towards the back door. Amy was standing there dressed in a long, black diaphanous dress of the sort Stevie Nicks would wear. She was by herself unless Rory was behind her in the darkness. But as she came towards him, no one followed her so he figured Rory was probably taking a cold shower after Amy's private concert for him.

"Who's gone?" Amy repeated as she climbed the stairs.

"No…no one. Just an…old friend…" the Doctor stammered as he jumped up and adjusted his jacket so it was straight.

"Oh really? Female friend then. Who was she?" Amy said, coming closer to him.

"Nothing. She's no one alright?" the Doctor said as he turned his back to her and stared at the blank monitor.

"Come on, Doctor. Honestly, you know so much about me and Rory but we don't know a lot about you or the other people who've been in the TARDIS. Well, apart from River, that is. But I just want to know who you're missing. Can't you tell me that?"

"NO!"

Amy staggered back when the Doctor bellowed the word at her. She saw his enraged face and held up her hands, about to offer an apology for intruding when the enraged look melted into a guilty look and the Doctor shook his head.

"I'm so…sorry, I'm so, so sorry," he said gently as he came towards her and reached for her hand. "It's just that she…she's very special and…I just don't want to talk about it."

"I understand," Amy said, nodding. "Was she a girlfriend?"

The Doctor said nothing and Amy shook her head.

"I don't mean to intrude on your personal life, yeah? But…I just wonder about ya sometimes."

"In what way?" the Doctor said.

"Because before Rory and I came in here you were all alone and I wonder if you've ever had a girlfriend. I mean, there's River…but I'm not quite sure where River fits in your life, to be honest."

"That makes two of us, in all honesty," the Doctor said. "I've had friends that traveled with me in the past. I told you that before. All of them have been dear to me and there are some I will tell you about but there are a few, a select few that are precious to me and I'd rather keep them and the memories of them to myself. It's nothing to do with you, it's just that I want to keep some of my companions safely tucked away in my mind."

Amy nodded and squeezed his hand.

"I just want you to be happy," she said. "I want you to have the same happiness Rory and I have."

The Doctor smiled tenderly at that. He cupped her face and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"Thank you," he said.

He looked at her dress and raised his eyebrow.

"Just so you know, the TARDIS is alive and she let me listen to your singing since she was amused by your performance."

He chuckled when Amy's mouth dropped open and shrugged.

"You wanna do those kinky things, you better do it away from this ship because she sees all," he said with a wink. "One thing though, keep you day job, Pond, because somehow I don't think you'll give Stevie Nicks a run for her money."

He laughed when Amy gave his head a playful shove. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and the Doctor let out a small sigh through his nose as he watched her head for the back door. Once she was gone, he sat back down in his chair, relaxed and went back to his meditation.


End file.
